Late Night Thoughts

I think it's fine if people aren't happy all the time.  You know... like they need a good cry once in a while when nobody is home to help balance out their universe.  Because that's the stuff that matters, your universe.  No one else's.  People tend to focus on other people when they have nothing better to do to justify their own existence.  Sometimes it's better if they just keep certain things to themselves and self evaluate.  Though, it's great to let out certain things with people you can trust, it's also great if you can solve your problem on your own.  That's not always possible, depending on how you as an individual think and embody life, so if you can't do that it's okay too.

For me, I find figuring things out on my own to be the best solution but sometimes I have to talk with someone else and get an outside perspective.  Don't overlook your own abilities or when you need someone else, each help you grow.

My Therapist

        My therapist asks me what am I thinking.  I know I've been spacing out more than usual and of course they could tell easily.  My eyes had been mentally fogged over since Sunday. 
  Waiting a moment until I spoke, I ran through all the possible starter topics that come to mind and chose the best one.  "Everything... but nothing," I say.  They stay silent, signalling for me to continue.  I go into a place in my mind that allows me to block off the idea that I am voicing my current status to anybody.  "I quit my job a while back," I stop shortly after stating that.  There's nothing else I want to say on that matter.
  "I'm slowly drifting away from myself.  I can stare into the air for hours with the silence surrounding me.  There's usually someone besides me around, but I do this in my free time.  I wonder, during this time, constantly if I'm even worth it.  Though, you may question if it's really my worth that I'm always measuring up or if it's... my talent.  I wonder that too.  I know that isn't what I'm judging.  I view myself as a copy machine.  I can make an image of what I know instead of what I can pull out of thin air.
  That kind of thinking is also irrelevant.  Creations are from what you know and not what a magic ideal can provide.  They do not exist.  I don't always tell myself this.  It runs my mental state into fatigue and all I ever want to do is sleep.  With or without my eyes closed; so I do.
  I appreciate the idea of a clean slate being clean, instead of soiling it with my dirty ideas.  So I never create anymore and admire that piece of paper.  I think I need a new career or a new life.  I don't think that my stuff is anything special to me.  
  I'm doing the opposite of what I wanted in my teens but I was way more hormonal then.  I was much more confused.  I think," my eyes shift slowly from looking down straight ahead of me to the left, along with tilting my head.  My therapist said nothing following my completion.  They weren't there and I didn't seek out help.